Author: Lewis Eggleston

by Rev. Susan Halvor

In the years I spent as a Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) chaplain, I was struck by how when I looked at NICU parents, I saw amazing individuals who were learning and doing things they never could have imagined – changing the diaper of a baby that weighs less than 2 pounds. Navigating complicated medical terminology. Learning the subtle cues of a micropreemie. Spending hours at a hospital bedside, and still somehow managing to accomplish other daily life tasks – bills, parenting other children, household responsibilities, jobs. They are my heroes. And yet often all they saw in themselves was a terrified new parent, unable to fully protect the little one under their care from the dangers of life outside the womb.

I’ve been thinking about those NICU parents as I’ve tried to navigate what it means to be a leader – specifically, the manager of a hospital spiritual care department – in a pandemic. In the early days of March, I simply felt overwhelmed. I was trying to make sure my chaplains were safe and were able to provide desperately needed care, while also trying to support other leaders and hospital caregivers, manage the intense flow of rapidly changing information, and, because life is what it is, watching my beloved elderly dog Jack let me know that he was nearing the end of his days. The weight of my decisions was heavy. The world felt dangerous and unpredictable.

Now, today, there are still plenty of overwhelming moments. But I hope I’m remembering what I learned about those NICU parents. That the small steps I take make a difference. Advocating for reflections at the beginning of every hospital meeting, because people are hungry for meaning-making, and to be reminded that they aren’t alone in feeling scared or overwhelmed. The lessons I learned coming out as a queer leader in the church still hold true – that my vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. That my loving is the heart of what keeps me connected to others, and those connections that bond us will help sustain us. That I am not alone, in so, so many ways, and neither are you. Endless virtual meetings have never been what bring me joy, but holding space in a virtual debrief for suffering nurses or in a check-in for our peer support team reminds me that even if we’re not “in person,” we can still connect and be recognized and loved. When I can be gentle with my own vulnerable moments, it makes it easier for my chaplains and other colleagues to be open about their own tender places.

And there are sacred moments all over – taking a break to laugh and play ping pong with my team, listening to an overwhelmed parent, and taking the space for my own heart – stillness, writing, walking, connecting with my partner. The more I am connected to those sacred moments, the more able I am to lead from my heart. And then I can see myself beyond the overwhelmed and scared individual with little control – I can see the woman who is vulnerable and loves and grieves and needs rest, and laughs and leads, connecting others and holding space for hope and healing to grow.

Rev. Susan Halvor (she/her/hers) has lived in Anchorage, Alaska for 20 years, after being raised in the Pacific Northwest. She will celebrate the 20^th anniversary of her ordination to Word and Sacrament ministry in August. Her heart is most alive in the holy moments of hospital chaplaincy. She currently manages the spiritual care department at Providence Alaska Medical Center, and spent 11 years as the Children’s Hospital Chaplain. She and her partner Holly look forward to the days they can travel again, and in the meantime, are grateful to live in a place where they can look forward to hiking, fishing and backpacking this summer.

By Atticus Zavaletta

One of the shadow gifts of this pandemic has been the urgency that has galvanized energies and brought out leadership where it had been lying fallow. North Ave Mission, which I founded just a month ago together with the homeless and formerly homeless people among whom I minister in Baltimore—and the leaders in it—is one of those gifts.

As a trans person, wherever I am, I am always inevitably called to the margins. If you drop me in the center somewhere, it doesn’t matter where, I will find the edges and quick. Part of it is that I find myself in these places that the world has disregarded, because that’s who I was/am as a Queer and transgender person who grew up in a church that saw me as an abomination. I so desperately needed a theology and a spiritual community that saw in my difference the origins of my beauty and my worth as God’s child, and I had to live through many years of self-destruction, drawing nearer and nearer to death, because of those deep, deep wounds. When I uplift the beauty and dignity of people on the underside of power, I am also healing a part of my self. It is powerful for me to reflect that God uses exactly that part of me that was so broken to facilitate healing in the world.

I am lucky enough to have a Bishop who supports and honors not just my identity but also my calling: in January, I was called by my Bishop to be a street minister on North Avenue in Baltimore, an area home to many street homeless and food and housing insecure people. I began by walking the blocks, getting to know people, and listening to their stories and what needs there were in the neighborhood. One of my first days out, I met PeeWee, who identifies as pansexual, and her husband Nine, who identifies as bisexual. That day, PeeWee, who is like the mayor of the neighborhood, took me around the entire block and introduced me to every single person—elders, dealers on the corners, pizza store guys, and all her friends. PeeWee and Nine are both formerly homeless and they told me of their passion to be there for those going through what they had gone through. Often, PeeWee looks back on that day and says, “If you had never come that day, all of this would never have happened.” I join her in wonder and always reply that the Holy Spirit brought us together.

I started having a weekly presence at a vacant lot, which is a hangout zone for many on the streets. Soon enough, Thursdays became a time when we would gather there for prayer, food and friendship, and to hear updates, listen to concerns, assess needs, and do street outreach by passing out food and essential items on the street together.

Early on, I identified leaders: we started with Street Shepherds, and then added the role of Guardians. Street Shepherds check on everyone on the street and communicate needs back to me, then we reach out to the wider community when appropriate. They offer support, friendship, and care, and remind us that we are a family. Our Guardian is a supporting, protecting, defending presence, offering wisdom and counsel as we navigate the streets and ministry. The act of drawing in and building up leaders from the margins is a gift of my Queerness–which apprehends value where the world doesn’t always. Queerness has eyes to see, from the margins and from its own experience of alienation, the difference between a theology of glory, which calls things what they aren’t—calling the good bad, and the bad good—and a theology of the cross, which calls things what they really are. As a Queer transgender Christian, I am witness to a theology of the cross.

When COVID-19 hit, our “fellowship” decided to organize as North Ave Mission because we wanted to walk together through the storm. We successfully fundraised over $8500 to provide free groceries and hygiene and essential items to people. On Maundy Thursday, for instance, we distributed 7,500 lbs of fresh produce.

We asked what else could do in the face of this crisis, and everyone agreed: our priority was to house our street homeless members. So we set up Red Shed Village, where 5 people stay in a beautiful community garden lot in tents. Neighbors and community members immediately stepped up in beautiful ways, for instance by ensuring the Villagers have nutritious meals every day! Interestingly, but not surprisingly, a great majority of the people who leapt out to support the Villagers with food, bedding, masks, toiletries, and other forms of support- are members of the LGBTQ+ community. I believe that is because we in the Queer community know how to recognize the things of hidden but inestimable worth.  

Atticus Zavaletta (he/they) is a Street Minister at North Ave Mission and Vicar at Amazing Grace Lutheran Church in Baltimore, MD. 

by Pastor Mark Erson

Alleluia!  Christ is risen!

Upon opening my eyes and while still lying in bed on the morning of Monday, March 16, my mind started to race.  Isolating and Social distancing were becoming new words in our vocabulary.  Restrictions were just beginning to unfold.  And with that unfolding, lots of questions began to join that racing of my mind. How far would they go in changing our daily lives?  How long would they be in place? This is Lent, Holy Week/Easter are nearing, will this all be done so that we can celebrate “normally”? 

Obviously, I was not alone in my questions.  Perhaps, different sections of the country asked them on different days.  But we are definitely in this together.  We are all discerning and exploring how to be church, the body of Christ, at a time when the body of Christ cannot physically come together in worship, study, mutual support, consolation, and of course, those all-important meetings.

One of the needs that I saw in myself, and assumed for others, was a sense of structure to these days of upheaval that laid ahead.  Also, I anticipated a need to keep kindling the hope that is ours in God’s abiding presence.  So, I decided to start live streaming morning (9 AM) and evening (4:30 PM) prayer, Monday – Saturday.  I have engaged a variety of resources to give a little diversity.  It has certainly helped me to start and finish my day in this way.  And, from the comments of others, I see that it has been welcomed by others way beyond the members of our parish.  It has also reconnected me with folks from various chapters in life.  As one who struggled to enjoy online courses at seminary, I have been surprised how connected I feel when I see folks attending the live stream.  And then of course, there are many who view as they have time.

Something else that has been very heartening, comforting, and inspiring has been the collaboration that has been going on among colleagues.  And, no surprise, it is within our beloved Proclaim cohort that I have seen the most, the best, the most creative, and supportive expressions of collaboration in creating and sharing resources and spiritual support.  I am so thankful for this community.

One of my favorite Easter symbols is the butterfly.  This year, even while we are celebrating our butterfly-ness through the risen Christ, we also have the opportunity to benefit from gaining a deeper understanding of our cocoon days. I pray that we will hold onto the lessons learned, the collaboration bridges built, the new means of connecting engaged, for the sake of proclaiming the gospel and serving the world as the body of Christ.

Blessings, as you make the most of these cocoon days.

Mark Erson – (he/him/his) serves St. John’s Lutheran Church in Greenwich Village, Manhattan, NY, as pastor.  He is also a theatre artist and award-winning playwright.  He is most excited and looking forward to working with Reed Noel on their internship in the coming year.

By Rev. Carla Christopher Wilson

Until Jesus completes his journey fully, Earthly adventures abound. Easter ends Lent, but it is not the end. We remain students, learning how to recognize Jesus in a shifting landscape of face coverings and curfews. We seek community, affirmation, and practice what self-care we can to empower our faltering nerves and exited stumblings. Through it all, the Savior is ever-present, known and unknown, leaving signs for when we are ready to receive them. Beginning with Easter, not ending, we go boldly into the new and unknown, as seekers and receivers. We know we will most certainly miss the face of Jesus when we are grieving or scared, confused or lonely. Jesus will still be there. We will still be loved. God will still, without fail, be working.

The Rev. Carla Christopher Wilson (she /her/hers) is a redevelopment pastor serving a congregation in Lancaster, PA. Also the co-chair of Lower Susquehanna Synod’s Racial Justice Task Force, Carla is a queer femme Black (and a little Latinx) warrior for justice and equity. A former Poet Laureate of York, PA and a published writer, Carla is passing her quarantine time writing Triduum poetry and cuddling her puppies.

Matthew 21:2-3
Go into the village ahead of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her; untie them and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, just say this, ‘The Lord needs them.’ And he will send them immediately.

This Sunday is Palm Sunday on our liturgical calendars.  This is the day where we commemorate the protest march against the Empire that Jesus coordinated in Jerusalem just before he was executed. Much like the history of Pride, Palm Sunday has become tragically de-politicized. What began in both cases as radical resistance against unjust authority is now painted as something of a politely permitted parade. But without keeping in mind these revolutionary roots, we lose context for Palm Sunday and for our own LGBTQIA+ history.

There is a lot that goes into planning an action like Palm Sunday, a lot of roles to play, a lot of materials to gather.  Jesus relied on the community to provide for the things that he would need. He trusted that the movement that was being built was wider and bigger than the people in his close personal circle. He knew that outside of the people he regularly interacted with, like his disciples and benefactors, there were people in the midst of their ordinary lives who were sympathetic and supportive of the cause in their own way.  Jesus – who had a target on his back – would have had every reason to be skeptical about who he let be a part of his work. But instead of being suspicious of outsiders or acting as a gatekeeper, Jesus reached outside the scope of his normal relationships to invite people in.

LGBTQIA+ people have often had to learn to reach outside of our normal, socially mandated circles – like our family of origin, like traditional churches – to build chosen families and gather support.  Many of us have been denied, betrayed, and wounded by our home churches or our families of origin. But out of this pain, new ways of being community have been formed. LGBTQIA+ people form networks of mutual aid to help one another in times of crisis or need, whether that is raising money for gender-affirming surgery or paying someone’s rent. When the ELCA did not ordain openly LGBTQIA+ leaders, we formed the extraordinary roster, outside of the normal, permissible way of doing things. And queer teenagers in isolated and queer-antagonistic regions reach out online to form friendships across the world that save lives.

Our status quo has been interrupted this year in the midst of a global pandemic.  Our normal ways of forming community, extending support, and sharing resources have been stretched. But the world and the church have much to learn from LGBTQIA+ people.  We have always been resilient and scrappy and creative in building unconventional relationships. We have often reached out, like Jesus, hoping that even if we didn’t quite know who it would be, that scattered amongst our neighborhoods and the internet, there are people there waiting and ready to provide for what we need.

Holy God, you sent your Begotten One, Jesus Christ to show us your radical way of Love and Liberation.  We praise you for giving us the gift of unconventional relationships and creative community building. Thank you for the unknown helpers embedded in our networks. Empower us too to be ready to provide for our neighbors’ needs in times of uncertainty. Amen.

Elle Dowd (she/her/hers) is a bi-furious seminarian at the Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago and a candidate for ordained ministry in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America currently serving as the full-time pastoral intern at St. Luke’s Lutheran Church in Logan Square, Chicago. Elle has pieces of her heart in Sierra Leone, where her two children were born, and in St. Louis where she learned from the radical, queer, Black leadership during the Ferguson Uprising. She was formerly a co-conspirator with the movement to #decolonizeLutheranism and currently works as a community organizer with the Faith and Justice Collective and SOUL, writes regularly for the Disrupt Worship Project, and facilitates workshops on gender and sexuality and the Church in both secular conferences and Christian spaces. Elle has interests in queer and feminist Biblical interpretation and liberation and body theology. Elle loves spending time with the people she loves and on weekends, Elle tours the city of Chicago in search of the best brunch.

Elle’s Twitter and Instagram handles are @HowNowBrownDowd and her public Facebook page is Facebook.com/ElleDowdMinistry